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Script


Script
The episode opens with a night view of the Heeler house.
Cut to the stairwell room where Bandit is reading through a magazine on the couch.
Exhausted Chilli steps down from the stairs and climbs over the couch from the backside and lays flat-side onto the cushion.

Chilli: Okay, she's asleep.

Bandit: What do you wanna watch tonight, babe?

Bluey arrives atop the staircase.

Bluey: Do you watch TV after we go to sleep?

Chilli: (exhausted) Bluey! Not again, C'mon, back to bed!

Bluey: I don't wanna go to bed.

Bandit: Too bad, kid.

Bluey: But why do we have to sleep? Why can't we just stay awake all night?

Bandit: 'Cause that’s the way the world is.

Bluey: Well, I'm going to make it so that's not how the world is.

Bandit: That might be tricky. People like to sleep.

Bluey: Well, I'll take everyone's bed to the dump!

Bandit: Eh…They'll probably just sleep on the couch.

Bluey: Well, I'll take the couches to the dump, too!

Bandit: Woah, Sounds like a big job. You’ll need a full-night sleep for that.

Bluey: Yeah, I will. Night!

Bluey turns around and walks a couple of steps towards her bedroom before she suddenly turns around again and once more parks atop of the staircase.

Bluey: Hey, wait, no!

Chilli: (groans) Come on. I'll read you a story.

Chilli reaches towards the table and grabs one book from atop of the book pile. She then leans back to sit on the couch.
The view changes to the view in front of the couch.

Bandit: You know she can't help it.

Chilli rubs her eyes while Bluey walks down the stairs.

Chilli: I know...Can you help me?

Bandit: Oh, yeah, I've got an idea!

Bandit exits the scene to the left.

Chilli: Wait, is it a bad idea?

Bluey vaults onto the couch and crawls next to Chilli.

Bluey: Mum? Are you grumpy with me?

Chilli: No, honey, I'm okay. Come on.

Bluey huddles into Chilli as she opens the book.
Chili begins to read the story audibly.

Chilli: "Once upon a time, there was a village."

Bluey: (cutting-in) Are you sure you're not grumpy?

Chilli: No. I just want you to go to sleep.

Chilli: "And in the village-"

Suddenly, a very loud, lanky, white, hooved equine looking creature with a magnificent pastel blue mane (and a chin beard) crowned with a glorious golden horn, hoarsely bounce-spooks from behind the couch!

The noisy creature: AY-HAY!

The creature then lankly stares deeply into the eyes of Chilli and Bluey...

Bluey: (gleefully) Unicorse!

-And starts shuffling back and forth!!!

Chilli: (quietly) Oh, no...Not Unicorse...

[TITLE CARD: UNICORSE]

Chilli: This episode of Bluey unfortunately is called, " Unicorse"...

The creature, now identified as "Unicorse", pushes himself between Chilli and Bluey.

Unicorse: Budge up, Budge up! Watch the horn! What are we reading?

Chilli: Well, it's a story-

Unicorse: YAWN!!! Here, read this!

Unicorse picks up a pink sleeved book from behind the couch and places it on top of the book Chilli was already reading. On the cover it's-

Unicorse: It's got a unicorn in it !!!

...indeed it does.

Chilli: I'm not reading that.

Unicorse: Fine...

Unicorse reaches to and picks up again the unicorn-containing-book.

Unicorse: ...I'll read it!

Unicorse hides behind advertised unicorn-taletelling-book.

Unicorse: (haltingly) "Ons - up - on - a - tim..."

Unicorse lowers the book revealing himself back to the audience.

Unicorse: ...Oh-I wish I could REAAD!!!

Bluey giggles holding her tummy.

Chilli: Unicorse, Bluey is finding it a little hard to get to sleep, so we're actually trying to calm things down a bit.

Unicorse: Well, it's gonna be hard with ME AROUND!

Unicorse starts spinning around screaming while Bluey giggles so much she'll have to hold her tummy again as she falls towards the backrest.
The music also contains sounds of an electric alarm clock in an increasing volume.

Chilli: Shhh!

Chilli's hush silences the wakey-up-alarm sound and music now only consists of small basy string pulls.

Chilli: Bingo's asleep!

Unicorse: I don’t CARE!

The wakey-wakey-alarm clock beeping accompanied by the music returns.
Chilli stops the alarm-sound again by gently pushing Unicorse away from her face.

Chilli: Well I do, so how about you-

Cut to the view from the staircase behind the couch-

Chilli: -and your little mate,-

-where Bandit is seen crawling on his knees and is revealed to be the puppet-master operating Unicorse; the blue-lanky-lower-body and the husky voice sure was suspiciously familiar...
Bandit gives a small nervous smirk.
Cut back to the front view of the couch, where-

Chilli: -jog on?

-Chilli gestures Unicorse to "hit the road".

Unicorse: Ain't goin' Nowhere, toots!

Bluey titters while Chilli is getting visibly more angry.

Chilli: (slightly biting her teeth) My Name is Chilli!

Unicorse: (bleatingly) A-ha-ah, I'm sorry, Silli!

Bluey titters a little.

Chilli: Chilli!

Unicorse: Billi, yeah, that's what I said!

Bluey bursts into screaming giggling, and Chilli closes the book loudly and stands up.

Chilli: (growls) OUT!

Unicorse whelps and drops to hide behind the couch.

Bluey: Oh, Mum, please, can Unicorse stay?

Chilli: Bluey, he's the most annoying unicorn in the world.

Unicourse pops up further behind Chilli raising his hoof.

Unicorse: (rosely) Guiltyy!

Bluey: But I can turn him into a nice unicorse. I promise I can. Right, Unicorse?

Unicorse: Nuh!

Bluey: Don't listen to him. Please, can he stay?

Chilli: Fine...

Chilli sits down again, glances at Unicorse while displaying the book cover about sho---the turquoise sleeved book with a picture of a royalty looking long eared doggo.

Chilli: But we're reading this book, not yours.

Chilli opens the book.
A moment later Unicorse thumps his forehead into Chilli's (head) temple.

Unicorse: (menacingly muttering) You will live to regret that!

Chilli: (clears throat)’’ "Once upon a time, there was a village. And in the village, everyone walked around barefoot."

Unicorse pops from below and blocks the book from the readers.

Unicorse: Ay-yay!

Bluey: Unicorse! I can't see the page!

Unicorse: Aaaaaand, why should I care?!

During delivery his line, Unicorse has lunged towards Bluey who now is tightly leaning towards backrest, nervously tittering a bit.

Chilli: (groans and out of breath) Urgh, I forgot about the catchphrase...

Bluey: If you block the words, Mum can't read the story.

Unicorse: Aaaand, (softly while leaning right in Bluey's face) why should I care?!

Bluey gently pushes Unicorse away from her face.

Bluey: Because stories are nice!

Unicorse: My story was nice, it had a unicorn in it. This one has ZERO unicorns!

Unicorse flips some pages of the book back and forth.

Unicorse: And the ending is boring, she just makes sho-

Chilli: (elevating) A-AH! Don't spoil the ending!

Unicorse: (whiningly) Why not?!

Chilli: Because Bluey hasn't heard it !

Unicorse bends backwards away from Chilli leaning over the book.

Unicorse: (quietly with rasp) Aaaaaand, why should I care?!

Bluey: Unicorse, I'm trying to make you a nice unicorse.

Unicorse: (slangily) Okay, okay, okay. Please, continue, Milli. I won't spoil the ending.

There is a brief silence while everyone is looking at the book.

Chilli: A- (/æ/ raising) Unicorse: Where she makes shoes.

Bluey and Chilli: UNICORSE!!

Unicorse cackles louds once more and tornado-spins four times before stopping next to Bluey.

Unicorse: HAHAHAHA! WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO!

Chilli turns a page.

Chilli: "One day, the Queen decided to get off her litter and have a walk around."

Chilli lowers the flap on top of the queen and suddenly the hoof of Unicorse appears and flips it back up and down again as he speaks.

Unicorse [as the queen]: (queen-English) Changed my mind! Oh, wait, changed it again! Actually, I will! No, not today!

Cut away from the book-pages to view better Unicorse's flip-flap-flopping-shenanigans.

Unicorse: (speeding-up) Up! Down! Up, down! Up, down, up-down-up- down-up-dow-

Bluey leans forward pushing her snout into back of Unicorse who almost flails down.

Bluey: Unicorse! That is bad behaviour!

Unicorse: (imitating Bluey) Meh meh meh. Meh-meh-Meh-ma-ma-meh!

Bluey: (shocked) OH! So is that!

Unicorse: (still imitating) MEEP, Meep meep Meep!

Chilli: (uncertain) Shall we continue ?

Bluey: (groans) Yes...

Unicorse: (sighs) Meep...

Chilli: "So the Queen walked a few steps, and stood on a prickle." "Ouch!"

Unicorse laughing out VERY loud and leaning backwards while holding his chest.

Bluey: Unicorse, that's mean! How would you feel if you stood on a prickle?

Unicorse: I'd feel good. I'd feel so good, I'd dance!

Unicorse slips behind the couch and pops up accompanied by another hand of Bandit holding a music player playing "William Tell Overture" albeit in a disco remix to which Unicorse grooves on the beat.

Bluey: You wouldn't dance! You'd be crying like the Queen!

Unicorse: Well, maybe she should wear some (leaning right into Chilli's face) SHOEEEEES!!!

Chilli grabs away the audio-device-

Chilli: Unicorse!

-And turns it off as she sets it on the couch-cushion.

Unicorse: (flailing upwards and laughing) HAA-HAA-HAA-HAA!

Back to the book as Chilli turns another page.

Chilli: Anyway, "The Queen discovered that her whole kingdom was covered in prickles; What was she to do?"

Unicorse pops from below into face of Chilli.

Unicorse: MAKE. SHOOOES!

Unicorse returns to his place behind the couch between Chilli and Bluey.

Chilli: (groans) Bluey!..

Bluey: Oo, I know!

Bluey stands up to be on the same level with Unicorse.

Bluey: Unicorse, what's your favourite food?

Unicorse blops his head into Bluey's (head) temple, staring deep into her eye.
Only ambiance heard is whispers of night bugs.

Unicorse: (whispering) ...Children....

Bluey: (nervously) ...Oh...

Theme tune of Unicorse resumes.

Unicorse: JUST kidding! I like chicken bucket.

Bluey: Oh, great! Look, here's some Chicken bucket.

Bluey hands Unicorse an invisible chicken bucket.

Unicorse: Ah, thank you, mighty kind!

Unicorse proceeds munching on the chicken.

Bluey: Okay, we're good to go!

Back to the book, Chilli turns a page.

Chilli: "So the Queen had an idea. She will cover the WHOLE kingdom in LEATHER. That way, No one will ever stand on the prickles a-"

Unicorse starts making snap-smacking-munchy noises.

Chilli: "-gain. so she got to work-"

Unicorse: (Munch)

Chilli: "-All day and night, the Queen (munch) worked, cove-(munch)-ring her whole (munch) kingdom in (munch) leather."

Chilli: (growly) Urgh! Can you PLEASE chew with your mouth shut?!

Unicorse: I can chew with my mouth shut. Of course I can!

Chilli: Thank you! (reading) "The Queen just-"

Unicorse hogs and holds Chilli's nose.

Unicorse: But I'm not gonna!

Unicorse rapidly smacks four munching-noises.
Chilli closes the book, puts it left under arm, and jumps off the couch.

Chilli: GRR, THAT'S IT, I'M OUT!

Unicorse: Catch you on the flip side, Willi!

The earlier assistant-hand grabs the audio-from the sofa resuming the William Tell disco tune to which Unicorse starts dancing again.
Chilli begins to walk away from the scene to the left.

Bluey: Wait, no!

Chilli stops.

Chilli: (shaking head) I'm done, Bluey.

Bluey: I can handle this, Mum!

Bluey stands up.

Bluey: Unicorse !

Bluey taps on the shoulder of Unicorse.

Unicorse: OW!

Unicourse freezes still into a shocked state.
The music stops as the audio-device-hand disappears behind the couch.
Unicorse then falls on top of the backrest of the couch and starts dramatically flailing around.

Unicourse: My back! My neck! My back and my neck!

Bluey: (titters) I just tapped you on the shoulder!

Unicorse: Whiplash! Whiplash! Call my lawyer! Awwhh!

Giggling, Bluey crawls under Unicorse as he rolls towards her to reach the corner of the backrest.

Chilli: Look, Bluey. Good on you for trying...

(offscreen) Unicorse: (anguishly) My, neeeeeeck!

Chilli: ...but you can't change Unicorse.

Bluey: (sigh) I think you're right...

Unicorse scoots around on the backrest as Bluey and Chilli side-eye him until he rolls enough to fall off to slam on the floor behind the couch.

Chilli: I'm not sure you can't change anyone very much…

(offscreen underlayered) Unicorse(?): (wheezingly) Auuuuh, my hand, aaaaaaah...

Bluey: Well, What can we change?

Chilli: Well, We can stop letting Unicorse annoy us.

Bluey: Really? How?

Chilli: Maybe we ignore him?

Bluey: He is pretty hard to ignore…

(offscreen) Unicorse / Bandit(?): (exhausting) Au, that hurt...

Chilli: Let's give it a go!

Unicorse's groans of pain fall silent.
Resuming back to the book, Chilli turns another page.

Chilli: "The Queen just couldn't do any more. She was too tired."

Unicorse, seemingly being held up by whole body collar-harness-straps and all his limbs plastered in orthopedic cast, waddles in accompanied by a bear in a fancy suit, wearing glasses, and carrying a flower-suitcase...Oh, he's apparently "The Lawyer", speaking in low-pitched posh-English.

Chilli: Oh, here he comes. Remember, just ignore him.

The Lawyer: (clears throat) Are you Willi Heeler?

Chilli: I'M CHILLI HEELER !

Bluey: Mum?..

Chilli: Oh, yes, sorry... "But then the Jester said to the Queen, "Your Majesty, instead of covering the whole kingdom in leather...

Chilli flips the flap of Jester-picture.

Chilli: "...why not just cover your feet?"

The Lawyer: Stop that reading! This is a very serious matter: One of you karate-chopped my client!

Bluey: (confused) Karate-Chopped?!

Chilli: Bluey?..

Bluey: Oh, yeah, Sorry.

Chilli: "So the Queen cut two little bits of leather, and made them into shoes!"

The Lawyer: Hey! I'm talking to you!

Unicorse shoves away The Lawyer as he trounces toward Chilli from behind.

Unicorse: Yeah, listen to him!

Chilli: "So the people could walk anywhere they wanted and the prickles couldn't hurt them."

Unicorse: STOP READING!

The Lawyer: Unicorse, let me handle this.

Unicorse: Hey! Watch it, mate, or you'll have to get a little pokey!

The Lawyer: Okay, as your Lawyer, I-

Unicorse: Here I COME !

Unicorse charges into The Lawyer and a tussle akin to "Punch and Judy"-show ensues behind the couch.

Unicorse: (background) Hey! You're gonna get it!

Chilli: "And they all lived Happily ever after."

The book is now over,

Chilli: Shall we leave them to it?

(pulled away) The Lawyer: Don't leave me alone!!!

Bluey: (yawns) Yeah, I'm tired..

Chilli closes the book and places on the couch cushion
Bluey and Chilli exit the couch-scene to the right as Unicorse high-tosses The Lawyer into air who soon falls down behind the couch.

Unicorse: You're gonna get it now, mate!

Unicorse pounces onto The Lawyer behind the couch.
[CREDITS ROLL]
Unicorse pops in from below to dance in the William Tell tune disco remix played in this episode. He cuts credits roll to the BBC-card with his trademark tornado-spinning.

Unicorse: Yaaaaaa-HAAAAAA!!!

Unicorse drops down out leaving the scene.
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