Title Card - Goldilocks
- The episode opens in Bluey and Bingo's bedroom. Bandit is tucking Bingo into her bed. Bluey walks up to them.
Bluey: "Can we have a story, Dad?"
Bandit: "Okay. How about... Goldilocks?"
Bluey, Bingo: "Yeah!"
- Bluey runs up and slides under the covers next to Bingo. Bandit lays down between them.
- Cut to an overhead shot of Bingo's bed.
Bluey: "Can you make it funny?"
Bandit: "Yeah, right-o."
- Bandit clears his throat.
Bandit: "Okay. Once upon a time, there were three bears. Daddy Bear, Momma Bear, and Baby Bear. Momma Bear had made some porridge, and in a really clear voice, she said:"
Bandit: (Momma Bear) "Look everyone, it's hot, okay? Wait 'til it's cooled down."
Bandit: "But no one was listening. Baby Bear was on a screen watch or something."
- Bandit pretends to tap on a smart watch.
Bandit: "And Daddy Bear was readin' about the footy."
- Bandit pretends to read a newspaper.
Bandit: "So next minute, Baby Bear eats some porridge, and he's like:"
Bandit: (Baby Bear, whiny) "Ow! It's too hot!"
- Bandit winces and waves his hand at his mouth. Bluey and Bingo laugh.
Bandit: (Baby Bear, whiny) "Ow! My tongue!"
Bandit: "And Momma Bear's all like:"
Bandit: (Momma Bear, annoyed) "What did I just say? I told you, wait 'til it's cooled down."
Bandit: (Baby Bear, whiny) "You didn't say that!"
Bandit: (Momma Bear, annoyed) "I did. You weren't listening, you're on that watch again."
- Bandit lets his tongue hang out and pretends to tap on a smart watch.
Bandit: (Baby Bear, indistinctly) "No I wasn't."
Bandit: (Momma Bear, annoyed) "No one ever listens to me around here!"
Bandit: "Then Daddy Bear eat some porridge, and he's like:"
Bandit: (Daddy Bear) "GAAAAH! It's hot!"
Bandit: "And Momma Bear's like:"
Bandit: (Momma Bear, annoyed) "Are you kidding me?!"
- Bluey and Bingo laugh.
Bandit: (Momma Bear, annoyed) "Are. You. Kidding. Me."
Bandit: (Daddy Bear) "Ow-ow!"
Bandit: "-says Daddy Bear, and he's running his tongue under the tap..."
- Bandit pantomimes turning on a faucet and running his tongue in the water.
Bandit: "... and Momma Bear's gettin' stuck into 'im and Daddy Bear's like:"
Bandit: (Daddy Bear, indistinctly) "Calm down, Danielle."
Bandit: "And Baby Bear's like:"
Bandit: (Baby Bear, whiny) "Stop it, stop fiiiighting!"
- Bluey and Bingo laugh.
Bandit: "Anyway, this went on all morning until Mum stormed out..."
- Bandit pantomimes marching angrily.
Bandit: "...and Dad ran after her going:"
Bandit: (Daddy Bear, pleading) "I'm sorry, baby, come back!"
Bandit: "And Baby Bear went as well. So they're all gone for a walk, and then Goldilocks rolls up, 'cause she's heard the racket a mile away, and she looks in the window and sees the porridge, and she's like:"
Bandit: (Goldilocks) "Ooh, that looks good."
Bandit: "And then, instead of going and getting a job, and working hard, and saving up some money, and buying some oats, and making her own porridge, you know what she does?"
Bingo, Bluey: "Yes."
Bandit: "I'll tell you what she does. She breaks and enters into the three bears' house, and starts stealing their porridge!"
- Bandit looks back and forth between Bluey and Bingo, expecting a reaction.
Bingo: "So?"
- Bandit folds his arms.
Bandit: "She's a dirty porridge thief. And we're all just meant to be okay with this."
- Chilli walks past the bedroom door with a basket of laundry.
Chilli: "Bandit."
Bandit: "Fine. So, this criminal, Goldilocks, is munchin' away, when the door bursts open, and it's Momma Bear. She's shouting:"
Bandit: (Momma Bear) "I'm going to stay at my sister's!"
- Bluey and Bingo laugh.
Bandit: "And Daddy Bear's all like:"
Bandit: (Daddy Bear) "Look, Danielle, we can figure this out."
Bandit: "And Baby Bear's all like:"
Bandit: (Baby Bear, whiny) "Stop fiiighting"
Bandit: "And then, suddenly, BOOM! They clock Goldilocks at the kitchen table, eating their porridge. Well! Momma bear hits the roof. She's like:"
Bandit: (Momma Bear) "Gerald! Be a man for once in your life, do something!"
- Bluey and Bingo laugh.
Bandit: "And Gerald's all like:"
Bandit: (Daddy Bear) "What's going on here, who are you?"
Bandit: "And Goldilocks does this sorta, like, karate move..."
- Bandit strikes a martial arts pose.
Bandit: "Ee-yah! and goes:"
Bandit: (Goldilocks, gruffly) "I'm your worst nightmare."
- Bluey and Bingo giggle.
Bandit: "Daddy Bear backs down, but Momma Bear steps up, cracks her neck, and is like:"
Bandit: (Momma Bear) "Bring it on, blondie!"
- Bandit starts pretending to throw punches.
Bandit: "So this huge karate fight starts, everyone's kung fu-ing and karate-ing and Baby Bear's at the back, just lobbin' in ninja stars."
- Bandit pretends to throw a series of shuriken.
Bandit: "Momma Bear's ninja kicks are too high, and Daddy Bear's ninja kicks are too low."
- Bandit pretends to do several high kicks.
Bandit: "So Goldilocks is winning, you know, she's a bit of a hard nut. She's got the Bear family on the ropes, but Baby Bear's like:"
Bandit: (Baby Bear) "Hang on, why are we doing karate and stuff? We're bears, we got claws!"
- Bandit makes claws with his hands.
Bandit: "And Momma Bear's like:"
Bandit: (Momma Bear) "Aw, yeah, good one, Baby Bear!"
Bandit: "So they start goin' old school, claws out, bear style, and Goldilocks is like:"
- Bingo and Bluey giggle.
Bandit: (Goldilocks) "I'm out of here!"
Bandit: "And she's like pssssh!"
- Bandit imitates the sound of breaking glass and throws his hands out wide.
Bandit: "—through the window, hits the floor, and starts running."
- Bandit pumps his arms, pretending to run.
Bandit: (Goldilocks) "Aaaaah!"
Bandit: (Bears) "Woo-hoo!"
Bandit: "The bears cheer, and they're all high-fivin'..."
- Bandit high-fives Bingo.
Bandit: "and goin':"
Bandit: (Daddy Bear) "Yeaaaah! Good one Baby Bear!"
Bandit: "And Momma Bear's all over Daddy Bear, goin':"
Bandit: (Momma Bear) "Aww, you were awesome Gerald, like really manly and heroic."
- Bluey and Bingo laugh.
Bandit: "And he's like:"
Bandit: (Daddy Bear) "Oh, yeah, thanks babe. You were good too."
Bandit: "And you know what? They decided that houses and porridge and clothes and the ways of man really wasn't for them anymore, so they sold the house and moved into the forest, and ate berries and salmon for the rest of their lives, and lived happily ever after. The End."
Bluey, Bingo: "Again!"
Bandit: "No!"